Uma Watch Day 6924: Oh man I haven't changed this tag line in a loooooong time.
  • Sunday, April 11, 2010
    It works for the dogs....
    J: Uma, let me check your hands. You didn't use a washcloth or rinse them, so they're probably still sticky from maple syrup.
    Uma: But I licked them!

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  • Sunday, January 31, 2010
    All the world's a stage...
    "I walk slowly when I'm dressed pretty because when I'm dressed pretty I feel like I'm up on a stage and I walk slowly because I'm shy." This while walking to the car in the garage.

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  • Saturday, December 19, 2009
    No dental prejudice
    "Even though you've lost some of your teeth Mommy, everyone still loves you."

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  • Sunday, December 13, 2009
    A weak grasp of family relationships
    "Who will be my uncle when Uncle Graham becomes a fireman?"

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  • How touching
    Uma: Guess who I like best of all?
    Me: Who?
    Uma: Everybody!
    Me: Everybody?
    Uma: Everybody in this house. Even you.

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  • Saturday, November 21, 2009
    Knock knock
    Me: Who's there?
    Uma: Nobody.
    Me: Nobody who?
    Uma: Nobody apple banana.

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  • Friday, November 20, 2009
    A grateful child
    "Daddy, guess what I'm thankful for? .... Kieran and butterflies!"

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  • Friday, October 30, 2009
    Happiness, level of
    "I am happy every day. Except some days I'm not happy."

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  • Friday, October 23, 2009
    Surprising
    Uma: I'm going to surprise you
    [comes running]
    Uma: Boo! Were you surprised?
    Me: Well, I knew you were coming, so I wasn't surprised.
    Uma: Don't know!

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  • Playing Little Girl
    Tonight when I get home from work, I'll have to play "Little Girl" with Uma. The game consists of me lying on the floor whining, "But I want to play with you!" Then Uma says, "I can't play right now; I have to start cooking dinner."

    Update later that evening: I am so right. The "little girl" also complained about not finding her pink shirt, going outside, not wanting to pee, wanted to eat a special treat without eating dinner, and a whole lot of other things. It was actually pretty fun.

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  • Monday, October 19, 2009
    Sibling relationships defined
    Me: What is a brother?
    Uma: A boy who has a sister.
    Me: So what is a sister?
    Uma: A girl who is very nice to a little boy.

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  • Saturday, October 17, 2009
    Uma the analyst
    "Kieran, did you just think about something in your head?"

    Apropos of nothing, she just asked out of nowhere.

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  • Monday, October 12, 2009
    Smelling good
    Me: Don't be a stinker [i.e., brat].
    Uma: I will try not to stink.

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  • Wednesday, October 07, 2009
    An odd understanding of driving and dentists
    Upon telling Uma that I was going to drive about 10-15 minutes to get to the dentist, she said, "remember to try not to pee in the car. You'll get cavities in the car."

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  • Saturday, September 26, 2009
    Brotherly love
    Excerpts from Uma's side of the conversation:

    "Who will be the daddy in this house when I'm all grown up?"

    "Will Kieran be the daddy?"

    "I want him to be the daddy because he is my friend."

    "I want to live with him even when I'm a grownup."

    Awwww.

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  • Tuesday, September 15, 2009
    A more interesting diaper
    Mommy: Let's see what's going on in his diaper.
    Uma: There's a playground in his diaper!

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  • Monday, September 14, 2009
    Uma the Fashion Critic
    This afternoon Uma noticed I had changed shirts.

    Uma: Mommy, I don't think that shirt looks as sweet with those shorts.
    Me: Should I wear a different shirt?
    Uma: Um, no, but that shirt doesn't look as special. Don't worry, though, I still love you. But I think my outfit is prettier than yours.

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  • Sunday, September 13, 2009
    Uninformed but assertive
    Uma: Will I have to put these clothes in the hamper?
    Me: Well, those shorts look pretty shabby to me.
    Uma: They don't to me, and I don't know what shabby means.

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  • Saturday, September 12, 2009
    Talking about her feelings
    Pretending to talk on the phone to mommy: "I really like you."

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  • Friday, September 11, 2009
    Vanity is Uma's sin, not envy
    "Kieran is a pretty boy, but he's not as pretty as I am."

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  • Friday, September 04, 2009
    Fast acting rejuvenation
    During a much-needed rainstorm that started just 5 minutes ago:

    "Look at how green the bush is getting!"

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  • Monday, August 31, 2009
    BFF
    Uma: Kieran, do you want to be best friends with me?
    Kieran: Huh.
    Uma (delightedly): Kieran wants to be best friends with me! I asked Kieran if he wanted to be best friends with me and he said "huh!"

    ...

    Uma: I'm so glad that Kieran is a friend who lives with me.

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  • Tuesday, August 25, 2009
    Another word for humid?
    "This air is pretty squishy."

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  • Monday, August 24, 2009
    Future handygirl?
    "I like watching you fix things with batteries and screwdrivers and things. And nails."

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  • The motive
    "I think that when I tried to slam your fingers [in a drawer] when I was really upset it was because I had a burp that wouldn't come out."

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  • Monday, August 17, 2009
    Stay away from the Arboretum
    "One time when I was with my stuffed animal friends at the Arboretum, we were getting chased by this huuuuuuge dinosaur that had six thousand hundred claw teeth. He was so scary his throat was so slippery, and he picked us up and we slid down his throat into his tummy. That always happens with dinosaurs like that."

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  • Sunday, August 16, 2009
    Telepathy?
    "I wish I was Kieran. I would be so happy because then we'd never have to switch thoughts."

    Uma seems to like to make her bizarre pronouncements in the car, which makes it tough to write things down. As a result, I haven't been able to quote her ruminations on mortality.

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  • Monday, August 10, 2009
    How to make marshmallows
    "The way you make marshmallows is you get some mud and put it on a stick, and that's how you make marshmallows."

    This one was from April, but I forgot to click "Publish."

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  • Friday, August 07, 2009
    Er, I guess that's ok then
    At dinner, Uma got down, covered with food, and came over to me.

    Me: Uma did you just wipe your face on my shirt?
    Uma: No, just my hands.

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  • Sunday, July 19, 2009
    A gift of silliness
    In the car, driving home:

    Uma: I gave all my silliness to Kieran.
    Me: So you're not silly anymore?
    Uma: My body will make more silliness.
    Me: What will you do with that?
    Uma: I'll give it to Kieran, too.
    Me: What if he's asleep?
    Uma: I'll make it into a ball, and throw it gently into his room, and he'll breathe it in gently into his heart.
    Me: What if you're at a sleepover?
    Uma: My body will make the silliness into an airplane and loft it to Kieran.

    Sounds like she's got all the bases covered.

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  • Sunday, June 28, 2009
    Future diva
    As I was about to make a graham cracker + peanut butter sandwich for Uma, she said, "Make sure you put the back of the graham cracker touching the peanut butter because the front looks prettier." I can just imagine her contracts showing up on The Smoking Gun in 15 years when she's a touring pop diva.

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  • Saturday, June 20, 2009
    That's not going to end well
    "I can run backwards with my eyes closed."

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  • Tuesday, June 16, 2009
    Not gonna send her to that school
    "I dreamed I was in a school I really didn't like, and it was full of clowns."

    Uma does not like clowns.

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  • Saturday, June 13, 2009
    Oh, well, in that case....
    Me: Uma, you need to wash your hands for breakfast.
    Uma: I already washed my hands.
    Me: It's been too long; you need to wash them again.
    Uma: It was just a couple days ago!

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  • Monday, May 25, 2009
    Stay hydrated
    "Sometimes I feel like being mean to people, but then I have some water, and I feel nicer than I felt before."

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  • Saturday, May 23, 2009
    Uma's nicknames
    Uma: You can call him [Kieran] "Little Daddy."
    Mommy: I'm not going to call him "Little Daddy."
    Uma: Then you can call him "Little Grandpa."

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  • Thursday, May 14, 2009
    The cycle of life
    Re: a death

    Me: They took her back to India.
    Uma: What did they do with her after she died? Did they use her as a statue?

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  • Saturday, May 09, 2009
    The dangers of unwashed clothes
    Mommy: Are those clothes dirty?
    Uma: They are dirty. They are so dirty, they are bleeding.

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  • Wednesday, May 06, 2009
    The things kids make you say
    "Eat your dinner, or I'm taking your face away."

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  • Monday, April 27, 2009
    Bathroom choice
    We have two bathrooms, one of which is right next to Kieran's bedroom. I asked Uma to use the other one, but she expressed a strong preference for that one. When I asked her why, she said, "that bathroom is near Kieran, and I love Kieran even though he's asleep, so I want to use that bathroom."

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  • Tuesday, April 21, 2009
    Uma's story (dictated)
    "Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who lived in a tree. And they went out for a walk to see if they could find anything to climb on. And then as they were following along, they were following one red rooster. And the rooster 'bak bakked' at them. 'Cock a doodle dooo,' it crowed. And after that it was making to eat the pigs. But they ran away back into their tree, and then again they ate a dragon. And then the whole story was over but they went out for a fortune again. The end. I said 'the end.' Here lies an old dragon who really is sick."

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  • Sunday, April 19, 2009
    The pride
    "I'm four years old. I'm really proud of myself."

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  • Saturday, April 18, 2009
    How to make marshmallows
    "The way you make marshmallows is you get some mud and put it on a stick, and that's how you make marshmallows."

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  • Saturday, April 11, 2009
    All I said in response was, "oh, ok"
    "When I shook my head, I heard a noise from my hair."

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  • Sunday, March 29, 2009
    New house requirements
    "Can we keep our backyard when we move to the new house?"

    "When we move to a new house, we should definitely have one with a playset.... but we can't take Evie's!"

    No move is imminent, we've just been talking about what we want. And Uma has been listening, and thinking about what she wants.

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  • Friday, March 13, 2009
    Not as funny as I thought
    Uma: I don't like your funny voices.
    Me: You don't think they're funny? They don't make you laugh?
    Uma: They make me feel like I want to cry.

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  • Sunday, March 08, 2009
    That's extortion!
    "I'll go to bed very nicely if my duck has clothes."

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  • Thursday, February 19, 2009
    Sharing is caring
    "Would you like to lick the stuff off my fork?"

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  • Sunday, February 01, 2009
    Not quite cedar fever
    "I'm sneezing a lot. I sneezed two times yesterday, and two times just now."

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  • Saturday, January 31, 2009
    IHHO
    "When I was a baby, I said 'Ma-ee Seh' [Molly Sadie]. It was so cute."

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  • Thursday, January 29, 2009
    The probationary period is over
    "Kieran is my best boy. I want to keep him."

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  • Top Chef
    "Would you like to hear about a really yucky soup? If I made a soup out of sand and dirt and twigs and poisonous berries, wouldn't that be a really good yucky soup?"

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  • Monday, January 26, 2009
    Hygiene advice from Uma
    "Don't throw up on us, Daddy."

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  • Uma wants to help
    "When I am older, I can have breasts, and I can wear a bra, and I can nurse Kieran for you."

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  • Sunday, January 25, 2009
    Where little girls and boys come from
    "When little girls get very, very angry, they turn into little boys."

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  • Saturday, January 17, 2009
    Odd things that children make you say
    "You have to realize, Uma, that most of the time the thing that you're doing at any time is what you usually do at that time."

    Uma's been saying a lot at lunch that "usually I'm taking my nap right now." I failed miserably at explaining why that's usually wrong.

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  • Saturday, December 20, 2008
    Counting in Spanish
    "Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, one hundred!"

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  • Saturday, November 29, 2008
    A jolly good time, that
    Uma has been sick for the last couple of days. Tending to her in the middle of the night, I said, "we'll do something fun tomorrow," thinking of the playground or something like that. Her idea? "We can pretend to be sick."

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  • Thursday, November 27, 2008
    Allow her to introduce herself
    "My name is Friendly Uma, the Queen Lady."

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  • Tuesday, November 18, 2008
    Open-minded to colors
    "When I first saw red and blue, I didn't think they were my favorite colors. But now I like them."

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  • Wednesday, November 05, 2008
    The direct approach
    Ever since Halloween, Uma has enjoyed saying "Boo!" and having me yell "Aaaah!" It's getting a little old. At dinner, I told her it wasn't working anymore, and I wasn't getting scared. So she tried something different: "You're scared!"

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  • Monday, November 03, 2008
    An uncurious child
    Jessica: Uma, do you want to see something?
    Uma: No.

    Admittedly, this was just after she woke up, but still... That usually works.

    I guess "No" isn't much of a quote, and it's certainly not remarkable coming from a small child, but still...

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  • Friday, July 25, 2008
    Uma's response to shampoo
    "I want to be stinky all the time!"

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  • Monday, July 07, 2008
    Uma's greeting this morning
    "You see how I'm making this face? That means I'm still a little bit tired."

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  • Saturday, May 24, 2008
    I don't even see a sign
    "That sign says no giraffes in the house."

    "That sign says no cars going through yellow lights in a bad restaurant."

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  • Regarding the function of the navel
    "This button makes poop come."

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  • Thursday, May 22, 2008
    "I am mad..."
    "... and when I am mad, I hit you."

    That justification didn't hold up as well as Uma hoped.

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  • Monday, May 05, 2008
    The baby in Uma's tummy hasn't gone away
    "Little Uma is in my tummy. She is small and can't sit up. She will sit in my booster chair. She will come out at my next birthday." And more that I can't remember.

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  • Friday, May 02, 2008
    Guess what happened last time?
    Just before entering the library, Uma told me, "I won't yell at the library this time."

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  • Monday, April 28, 2008
    Miss melodrama
    "I'm not crying anymore. See? No tears are running down my cheeks."

    We have no idea where she got that.

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  • Tuesday, April 22, 2008
    Yes, yes I do
    "You have a butt."

    Uma would not be a very useful witness at a crime scene.

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  • Saturday, March 22, 2008
    The eyes have it
    Me: What color are your eyes?
    Uma: I haven't decided.
    Me: What are you deciding?
    Uma: What color are my eyes.
    Me: Have you decided yet?
    Uma: I decided they are brown.

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  • Wednesday, March 19, 2008
    The things I could do if that was enough...
    Me: "Don't hit Little Guy like that."
    Uma: "But I want to do that!"

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  • Monday, March 17, 2008
    Not getting it
    "I can't remember Caroline's name when I'm sad."

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  • Saturday, February 23, 2008
    Anatomically inaccurate
    "I have a blue penis. My penis has stripeys."

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  • sour girl
    "I want to drink it from the bottle."

    What from which bottle? 5% acidity white vinegar. This after having lots of little tastes of straight vinegar in a spoon. We had to offer her another kind of vinegar* to get her to eat her spinach. As to why exactly she was getting straight shots of vinegar in the first place, well, you try raising a 2-year old without complying with bizarre requests.

    * Her choice of vinegars from:

    • Apple cider

    • Balsamic

    • Raspberry

    • Red wine

    • Rice wine

    • White, as previously mentioned

    In addition, we used to have but no longer have tarragon vinegar and red plum vinegar. Hmmm.... maybe this whole family has a vinegar problem.

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  • Friday, February 01, 2008
    a.k.a. the Berenstain Bears
    Or as Uma calls them, "the Insane Bears." I like hers better

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  • Thursday, January 24, 2008
    That will save us a lot of trouble
    "I'm going to be Little Guy's mommy."

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  • Sunday, January 20, 2008
    You can see that all the way from here?
    After seeing an airplane in the sky...

    "The space shuttle is a baby. It is in the airplane's tummy because it is little."

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  • Wednesday, January 16, 2008
    A complete distortion of the facts
    "I am a little bit sad because in the middle of the night Daddy woke me up and I wanted to sleep."

    That is totally not what happened!

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  • Sunday, January 13, 2008
    Er... that makes sense
    Uma: I made a hole in the bread
    ... Uma plays with the bread ...
    Me: Are you going to eat the bread?
    Uma: No, there's a hole in it.

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  • Saturday, January 12, 2008
    The cause of coughs
    "Because I had too much air in my mouth because I was playing fire truck."

    Clearly she has a mastery of physiology far beyond her years.

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  • Tuesday, January 08, 2008
    Expedience
    Uma: My pants are dirty.
    Me: We can brush them clean.
    Uma: I can just take off them.

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  • A different definition of "find"
    Uma: I can't find my flashlight. Help me find my flashlight.
    ... time passes ...
    Me: I'm sorry, kiddo, I can't find your flashlight either.
    Uma: I threw it over there behind the diaper pail.

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  • Sunday, January 06, 2008
    Varieties of pome fruit
    "There are three kinds of apple: apple, apple sauce, and pineapple."

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  • Uma looks sad
    Uma says lots of insightful and witty things. I would like to share them with you.

    "I don't look happy in these clothes. Pick you me up so I can look happy."

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